Welcome to Movie Monday!
With the opening of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood last Thursday, it makes us look again at Charles Manson.
What were his motivations and how did he manipulate others to such an extent?
There is no doubt that Manson was a seriously disturbed Narcissistic Psychopath with an abusive past, which he then turned into abusing others.
Although with Manson’s Personality Disorder, it is quite possible that he would have been abusive anyway.
(Unlike empaths, who with an abusive past, do their best to rescue others, often to their own detriment.)
Like many manipulative people, Mason had the capacity to mirror back to people their deepest desires.
And then become what they most needed to fulfil that desire.
Usually a warped father figure.
But before long he would extract his enormous price for that service.
This is key to understanding manipulative people and being able to protect ourselves by seeing the warning signs.
To begin with, they become exactly what you most want.
A perfect solution to sooth the deepest woundings and emptiness, before extracting their payback.
This is why it is so important to heal ourselves.
It makes us less vulnerable to the manipulation of others!
When we fill our own void through, emotional healing, we don’t need someone else to fulfil us.
We spend time with others to share our lives with them, not to complete us!
But I think the key motivation of Manson’s was something far less dramatic and far more mundane . . .
You see, Manson wanted to be part of the Hollywood elite.
Through his association and manipulation of Dennis Wilson, one of the Beach Boys, he even wrote a song that the band played.
Later Terry Melcher, a producer and Doris Day’s son became caught up in Manson’s web.
But Manson had neither the talent, personality nor persistence to succeed and Melcher stopped associating with him.
This is common with people with Narcissistic and Anti-social Personality Disorder (the clinical term for Sociopath or Psychopath).
Manson saw himself as better than he was, become bored easily, couldn’t control his temper and didn’t have the work ethic to succeed.
But instead of taking any responsibility for his own failings, Manson simply blamed others.
So much so that he had everyone killed in the house on Cielo Drive, including the lovely Sharon Tate who was a rising movie star, Roman Polanski’s wife and 8 months pregnant.
Because they lived in the house that Terry Melcher used to live in and he was jealous of their fame and lifestyle.
It is so very, very sad. No wonder Tarantino wanted to change the ending!
At the time there was literally nothing Sharon could have done to prevent this incredible tragedy.
But for many people, right now, there is something they can do.
1. See the signs and stop associating with narcissistic or sociopathic people.
These type of people rarely change unless they make the decision for their own reasons and take drastic action.
Anything less and the change is virtually impossible!
And note THEY need to want to.
They won’t because YOU want them to!!!
And if they have been abusive to you, they are so unlikely to change with you – the pattern has been struck.
They might change with someone new after a major epiphany but usually not even then.
2. Don’t excuse away other people’s emotionally or financially abusive behaviour.
This often happens long before the physical abuse begins.
Get out while you still have some self-esteem in tact.
3. Stop attempting to rescue people.
Others need to take responsibility for their pain and we need to heal OUR OWN pain and past woundings.
The question is NOT: Why do THEY do what they do?
The question IS: Why are YOU putting up with this behaviour?
Where in your past was this pattern set up?
How can you heal yourselves enough to find someone who treats you well and loves you in a healthy way?!
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have empathy for others.
It just means that they need to take steps to invest in their own journey and we need to in ours.
And finally . . .
Find enough self-love and respect to stop associating with manipulative people and discover and contribute our own passion and purpose to the world.
I know, very well, that it is not always easy to extricate yourselves from a manipulative relationships but it is worth it.
And it is essential if we are to have a life that is worth living and become a shining example for others to follow.
Big hugs Pip